The gaudy pills
beside the water,
Spread like pic
‘n’ mix on the bedside table.
Sunlight spilling through the curtain,
The harrowing
birds,
4am. She turns
over, sighs, moans.
5am. Bed-tossed
hair and dark circles under her eyes.
She lights a
fag, blows the air out shakily,
In her head she
thinks of harsh white light, weapons of torture, clocks.
All day,
caffeine-wired, pill-popper.
Running on
nothing,
Pupils like
universes.
Life goes past
in a blur of images.
Lunchtime. A
dollop of anxiety by this time,
Shaking
and nausea, the tension headache kicking in.
She dissolves a
painkiller on her tongue,
Crumples a
polystyrene coffee cup in her hand and aims for the bin.
Twitching, nervous.
He hasn’t texted back,
Her eyes keep
drifting back to the phone,
Prick.
Someone walks
past and she balls her bitten nails into a fist.
The clock drags
its minute hand with some difficulty,
She swears
under her breath,
Her leg
quivers,
She taps out a
tune on her desk; it mimics the humming of her heartbeat.
Back at home. A
plate smashes on the floor.
Voices are
raised and urgent,
The fridge
buzzes in the background,
He is tired,
drained. Her eyes are two blue flames, hot and wild with mania.
He tries to
grab her, caress her.
She pushes him
away, vehement and slurring,
Angry and
sensitive, her body feels stripped of its flesh, a bundle of wires
Exposed to the
light.
Later. A moment
alone in the bathroom.
Tears are
ripped from her as from an overtired child;
She knuckles
her fist into her eyes and howls.
Hot tears stain
her face, mascara tracks,
The blue light
sways like a pendulum about to crash down on her.
She unscrews
the bottle shakily; the drink is clean and harsh and tastes like bleach.
The knife
glitters with promise, the white tiles too perfect,
Blood oozes
like jam. Sirens whirr like music.
"pupils like the universe" That's amazing and i get what you mean. i love this poem
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